The Lady and the Funeral Home

There are lots of female morticians. One of the most interesting is Caitlin Doughty. She owns a boutique funeral home in LaLaLand where all the creative ideas come from. She's dedicated to changing the way we think about death and the disposition of human remains.  Her style is "different."  She's a rabble rouser in the traditional funeral industry.  I like her.  Maybe you won't. She makes me laugh.   You can google her or find her on Ted Talks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvTdKGfj7eU

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I really like this one... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWYCx2-PPLg

Dare you read this??

 Friends much younger than I, which is pretty much everybody, might not like this blog.  If your need is for comforting words,  grief support or profound thoughts about the meaning of it all,  that's not what it is.  It's just a lot of geriatric observations from a very  old man.  I tried to count the funerals and memorial services I've atended in those many decades. With only those that I can easily remember, I got close to 20  If  I thought about it for awhile there would be  many more. When you've been there that many times you change your mind about a lot of things.  That includes your thoughts about your own "final arrangements" and the kind of service you want or don't want.

At age 90 I am pretty traditional and old fashioned about a lot of things.  Not about dealing with death.  It's OK with me if you want your remains in an urn, cemetery, fertilizing a tree, .shot into space or encased in jewelry for someone to wear in remembrance. Just let your people know. If they don't like it, do not worry yourself into an early urn.

Wrong about death?

I don't relate to the posts about death and grieving that I see on Facebook. I don't recall ever experiencing the waves of grief that I often see there.  Is there something wrong with me? There are lots of things wrong with me.  But the way I deal with death is not one of them. We are all different.  Our attitudes and feelings about death are shaped by countless factors, beliefs and experiences  and the circumstances of the death. Age is a part of it. My wife was 80 and I was 83 when she died. I'm twice the age of most internet users.   I have experienced more deaths than I can remember.  Nobody half my age or  even 15 or 20 years younger dealing with a loss wants to hear that you might get over the grief. But you might.

Why does the 1940 Cadillac keep showing up here?  Maybe it's a guy thing. I hope some guy who is into classic cars will spot it and take a peek at what the blog is about.  It would be good  to know that men read something about death that's written by a man and find something helpful in it. If there's a fellow Packard fan here, you probably know that Henry Ford's last ride wasn't in a Ford or a Cadillac. It was a Packard hearse.

Family conflict when there's a death

Some manner of family conflict is pretty close to inevitable when there is a death in the family.  When I see it happening I imagine the deceased person painfully watching,  saying "Get over it!  If you want me to rest in peace, quit your squabbling and come together as a family."

It's especially painful when the last parent dies and there's an estate to be settled.
Sometimes it heals after a while, other times it splits families forever.  It's not a good idea to say "It won't happen to us." Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't. But being prepared for it and how to deal with it is a better idea. Get a lawyer.  Get a funeral director. Make your wishes known.  Get it done.

What's this blog about?

 
It's not therapy, comfort for the bereaved or grief support.  There are lots of individuals and groups doing that.  It's just an old guy's ponderings and meanderings about  more deaths than I can count or even remember. I write mostly for me but there's that faint hope that somebody will stumble upon it and find something they can relate to.

Guys and grief

Do men and women grieve differently?  Of course. Are there exceptions?  Sure. 
I might have tried a local group if there was one for guys, moderated by a male person.