Diary, Journal, not FB

This one is for me with hope that my great great great grandkids might stumble upon it. Noy for my contemporaries who won't much like it. 

 I pay little attention to all the comments about death, what happens when you die or folks who say they died and came back to tell us about it. All I have to say about death is, it happens.

2026

When

IT HAPPENS

 When you're young, middle age or a young senior, which I suppose is anything under 80 or 85 these days, death is a terrible thing. When you get into your 90s, where I am, death is just something that happens. I don't encourage my Facebook friends, all much younger, to read this one. It might make them very uncomfortable that I treat death so lightly

The tree thing

 Oops, you might want to change your mind about using your remains to fertilize a tree.  It is now said that your ashes have zero nutrients that would affect a tree's growth. It was a nice idea anyway.

When a pet dies.

 In a perfect world my pets and I would die at the same time so we could cross the Rainbow Bridge together.

Not Grief Support

Please go no further if you are currently in a state of grief. There are other sites and local help wherever you are.

OH CAITLIN!

I like Caitlin Doughty, the lady undertaker, more all the time. She cracks me up.    If I were in California I would want her to do her thing with my remains.  Caveat: No doubt there are many who find her inappropriate .  Or worse. If you don't like it, don't read it.

When I go ...

Sometimes I think I should reverse my decision to have no service when I "pop off" as the British say.  What a spectacle, what a grand production it would be. Four hours long with breaks along the way. It would be in our downtown theater. Live organ music, wildly eclectic recorded music.  Videos of my glorious career in radio and public life.  Free copies of all the marvelous writing I turned out, including those that got rejected and censored.  But wait!  There's more. After a pause for station identification.  I am getting an idea for a digital gravestone. Wait a minute.  That means I would need a grave .  I must rethink the whole thing.

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You say this is inappropiate? Death is a serious thing? If you make it to 90 you might enjoy being inappropriate about a lot of things. That includes your own mortality.

Holy Water?

I am too old to be living in this century.  I had a hard time getting used to it when family members brought their bottled water into the funeral chapel.

Not funny, you say?

OK, so my idea of fun is weird.  I find it fun to think about the reaction when I shuffle off this mortal coil and it's announced that there will no service.  Some will be relieved because they don't like funerals. Others will be disappointed. They have already composed the things they want to get up and say about me. Maybe one or two old folks wish for a traditional Christian service.  I just attended one of those.  We sang "Jesus Love Me."  It was sweet.  It was appropriate for the deceased, friends and family. That's what matters. It's not my business or your business to tell anybody how they should deal with death.
The way we deal with it is a funny thing.  OK,  maybe not funny. But interesting.

The Lady and the Funeral Home

There are lots of female morticians. One of the most interesting is Caitlin Doughty. She owns a boutique funeral home in LaLaLand where all the creative ideas come from. She's dedicated to changing the way we think about death and the disposition of human remains.  Her style is "different."  She's a rabble rouser in the traditional funeral industry.  I like her.  Maybe you won't. She makes me laugh.   You can google her or find her on Ted Talks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvTdKGfj7eU

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I really like this one... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWYCx2-PPLg

Dare you read this??

 Friends much younger than I, which is pretty much everybody, might not like this blog.  If your need is for comforting words,  grief support or profound thoughts about the meaning of it all,  that's not what it is.  It's just a lot of geriatric observations from a very  old man.  I tried to count the funerals and memorial services I've atended in those many decades. With only those that I can easily remember, I got close to 20  If  I thought about it for awhile there would be  many more. When you've been there that many times you change your mind about a lot of things.  That includes your thoughts about your own "final arrangements" and the kind of service you want or don't want.

At age 90 I am pretty traditional and old fashioned about a lot of things.  Not about dealing with death.  It's OK with me if you want your remains in an urn, cemetery, fertilizing a tree, .shot into space or encased in jewelry for someone to wear in remembrance. Just let your people know. If they don't like it, do not worry yourself into an early urn.

Wrong about death?

I don't relate to the posts about death and grieving that I see on Facebook. I don't recall ever experiencing the waves of grief that I often see there.  Is there something wrong with me? There are lots of things wrong with me.  But the way I deal with death is not one of them. We are all different.  Our attitudes and feelings about death are shaped by countless factors, beliefs and experiences  and the circumstances of the death. Age is a part of it. My wife was 80 and I was 83 when she died. I'm twice the age of most internet users.   I have experienced more deaths than I can remember.  Nobody half my age or  even 15 or 20 years younger dealing with a loss wants to hear that you might get over the grief. But you might.

Why does the 1940 Cadillac keep showing up here?  Maybe it's a guy thing. I hope some guy who is into classic cars will spot it and take a peek at what the blog is about.  It would be good  to know that men read something about death that's written by a man and find something helpful in it. If there's a fellow Packard fan here, you probably know that Henry Ford's last ride wasn't in a Ford or a Cadillac. It was a Packard hearse.

Family conflict when there's a death

Some manner of family conflict is pretty close to inevitable when there is a death in the family.  When I see it happening I imagine the deceased person painfully watching,  saying "Get over it!  If you want me to rest in peace, quit your squabbling and come together as a family."

It's especially painful when the last parent dies and there's an estate to be settled.
Sometimes it heals after a while, other times it splits families forever.  It's not a good idea to say "It won't happen to us." Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't. But being prepared for it and how to deal with it is a better idea. Get a lawyer.  Get a funeral director. Make your wishes known.  Get it done.

What's this blog about?

 
It's not therapy, comfort for the bereaved or grief support.  There are lots of individuals and groups doing that.  It's just an old guy's ponderings and meanderings about  more deaths than I can count or even remember. I write mostly for me but there's that faint hope that somebody will stumble upon it and find something they can relate to.

Guys and grief

Do men and women grieve differently?  Of course. Are there exceptions?  Sure. 
I might have tried a local group if there was one for guys, moderated by a male person.

Old Folks, New Love

There's a nice older song, "Love is lovelier the second time a

round." It's heart warming to see an older widow or widower find new love.  I like to see it but I don't envy it.  At this time in my life I need to be alone. That's another one that goes in the category of  "We are all different and there is no right or wrong way to deal with death."